4 Truths About Marriage Difficulties: How to Get Through the Rough Spots

It's easy to think marriage will be like the fairytales we read as children. But anyone married for any length of time knows that isn't the case. Marriage is full of ups and downs, and it's not always easy to get through the rough spots. That's why it's essential to develop strategies for dealing with marriage difficulties. This blog post will discuss four truths about marriage difficulties and how to get through them!

Look at marriage difficulties through a biblical lens to restore hope

There are many wrong ways to deal with marriage difficulties, including verbal fighting, adultery, substance abuse, reckless behaviors, staying away from home, physical abuse, or ultimately divorce. These negative behaviors result from one's flesh being more potent than their will to submit to the Holy Spirit. The Apostle Paul describes these behaviors as cravings or desires. Cravings are strong. They can be so strong that they seem to take over our will and thoughts. Galatians 5:17, which Paul stated in his letter to the Galatians, sums up his whole doctrine. The flesh conflicts with the Spirit. Mature Christians accept that they can't do whatever they want. Mature Christians yield their fleshly desires to the Spirit. When marriage difficulties come, it's important to remember that God can use them to develop our character and maturity. James says that we should have joy when facing various trials (James 1:2). Why? Marriage difficulties can be a good thing! They can help us grow in our faith and become more like Christ. Paul adds that perseverance builds character, and character builds hope (Romans 5:3-5). During relationship difficulties, these benefits are not readily seen nor happily acknowledged. Perseverance and endurance are what we can develop by withstanding marriage difficulties. Perseverance builds incredible hope at home!

Maximize your spouse’s strengths

To successfully get through the marriage rough spots, we need to learn to maximize our spouse's strengths, which means celebrating more than criticizing. Jesus teaches in the Sermon on the Mount when he warns us first to remove the plank from our eye, and then "you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye" (Luke 6:41-42). Hypocrisy is a significant issue beneath the surface that causes so many marriage difficulties. Lovers can quickly point out the issues with each other, JUST NOT THEMSELVES! That's because we see spousal specks easier than our planks. It's always easier to see others' shortcomings than our own. Marriage difficulties often result when we fail to take the plank out of our eyes. Maximizing our spouses' strengths requires developing a healthy dose of humility and learning to celebrate more than criticize in marriage! Criticism builds barriers and separates people. While celebration builds connection, Paul instructs us to esteem each other (Philippians 2:3). Biblically, esteem means to bring them up, not tear them down! When was the last time you complimented your spouse on one of their strengths? Start today by penning a letter to a friend listing all of your spouse's strong points. You can list as many as you want, but only positive things. When finished, please give it to your spouse. Note how their reaction is different from when you criticize them.

Confess your shortcomings

To successfully get through marriage's rough spots, we must confess our shortcomings. Marriage is supposed to be a safe place. We should discuss our shortcomings with the assurance we will not be put down because of them. Creating that kind of atmosphere takes vulnerability and one brave person to start. Jesus' brother, James, says confession heals (James 5:16). Confession is good for the soul; it is also suitable for relationships! When we confess, it opens the door for our spouse to do the same. We need to remember that marriage is a team effort, and we are on the same side! There is no room for competition in marriage. When difficulties come, we need to view them as an opportunity to grow closer by confession. Biblical confession means to admit punishable actions for stepping out of bounds. When was the last time you admitted to anything wrong in your marriage? Confession allows us to enter into restricted spaces of the heart. So, confession is an opportunity for intimacy, which yields excellent dividends. Confession shows that we are aware of our faults and want to change. Another byproduct is that confession allows us to pray for each other, and God does answer! Confessing your faults also allows your spouse to extend grace to you, like a healing salve. Opening yourself up to this vulnerability is excellent in a friendship, but it's fantastic when that friend is your spouse.

Focus on the finish Line

The Hebrews writer encourages us to look to Jesus, the author, and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2). This means that marriages should look to Jesus as the author and finisher of their relationship. Marriage is serious business. It is a promise worth keeping. The truth is, it won't always be easy. You won't get marriage perfect, and you may fail again and again in your attempts. Still, you are not in this alone. It would help if you had your eyes open in marriage to see where you are going.

We want to know we finished well. We will have some scrapes and bruises—it's expected in any race—but there is a sense of accomplishment in knowing we gave our best. It's the same with marriage. Sadly, current statistics reflect that many Christian marriages do not keep their commitments. We live in a throwaway society. If something no longer works, it is quickly discarded and replaced. Marriage should be different. God intended marriage to be for keeps. Too often get discouraged when we focus on our difficulties instead of the finish line. Marriage is a picture of Christ and his church. It's a picture marred today, but we Christ-followers can bring that picture back into focus. We can be different from the world that bails when the going gets rough. With God's strength and grace for each new day, you continued putting one foot in front of the other, and when you fell, you brushed yourself off and got up again. We can finish this marriage race by looking forward to hearing God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

What are some marriage rough spots you've faced? How did you faithfully get through them? Share your story in the comments below or discuss the questions below with your small group at church!

Discussion starters

1. When was the first time you realized your spouse was less than perfect? When did your spouse learn this truth about you?

2. What factors contribute to our thinking that relationships shouldn’t have rough spots? What practical things can prepare us for them?

3. What are some ways couples deal with disappointments as they learn their frailties?

4. Looking back to your dating relationship, were there any signs that all would not be smooth sailing, or were you shocked? Explain.

5. How did your parents handle the rough spots in their marriage? Did you adopt their ways of dealing with them?

Dr. Cynthia Salter-Lewis Shares How FACTS & FAITH Work Together to Reduce Your Coronavirus Fears

Dr. Cynthia Salter-Lewis

Many of you know and have often used the scripture found in 2 Timothy 1:7:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 

God has given us a sound mind which allows us to think clearly as we navigate through this most difficult time.  One key component of navigation is relying on the truth. The truth means everything to God and it should to us as well. 

Everyday, we are learning more about the COVID-19 Coronavirus. With new facts there is also lots of misinformation which unfortunately, gets repeated. This, in turn, causes people to make ill-informed decisions concerning the virus. This kind of behavior embraces a spirit of fear and misses the revelation about having a sound mind.

I’ve been approached with many concerns and questions and I want to answer them publicly in hopes that you will share with your family, friends and co-workers.  I believe knowing the facts will help you remain safe and healthy, and it will allow you to embrace a sound mind.

Is it true that African-Americans and other people of color are disproportionately affected by COVID-19?

Yes. Unfortunately, early on the the African-American community was misinformed and circulated the myth that we were impervious to COVID-19.  This could not be further from the truth. In some areas, African-Americans have accounted for 40-70% of COVID-19 deaths. The death rate is certainly higher in our community. Reasons for this include us living in high-density areas, misinformation early on, the disparity in health care, and, most of all, higher instances of comorbid diseases like diabetes, hypertension, heart and lung disease. 

I heard the Corona-virus can attach to your hair. Is this true?

Absolutely.  Hair serves as a fomite to which the virus can attach.  A fomite is anything that the virus can attach to that can be used as a vehicle to spread itself. For example, if COVID-19 gets in your hair, when you touch your face you can transmit the virus to yourself.  So when you are running errands or at the grocery store, you should wear a hat or other head covering so that if someone coughs or sneezes, the viral respiratory droplets won’t get in your hair. If this happens, please wash your hair immediately.

Can the virus be transmitted from door handles and cell phones?

The bottom line is that high-touch objects like cell phones, door handles, elevator buttons, light switches, faucets, etc., can all serve as fomites for the virus. Even an ink pen serves as a powerful fomite to transmit the virus.  That’s why you must continuously wipe and disinfect all high-touch objects as often as possible. NEVER use anyone else’s pen during this time.

How long is the virus stable on surfaces?

It depends on the surface in question.  There was a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine on March 17, 2020 that evaluated this concern. It found that the virus can remain stable for days depending on the surface or the object. For example, COVID-19 lives 3 hours on paper, 4 hours on cooper, 24 hours on cardboard, 48 hours on stainless steel or wood, and 72 hours on plastic. Other studies have shown that the virus also lives on porous things like money and clothes. However, thus far, the duration varies from study to study.

WE MUST remind ourselves to regularly wipe down counter tops with soap, disinfectant, or bleach. Spray your cardboard boxes with Lysol when they get delivered and wash clothes often - especially any outfit that you wear out of the house. Lastly, if someone hands you a piece of paper, sanitize or wash your hands immediately. AVOID touching your face at all costs because that’s how the virus enters.

All of the hand sanitizers are gone from the stores, what should I do?

The good thing is that COVID-19 can be easily destroyed by the action of germ sanitizer, pure alcohol, detergent, or even soap. If the stores are out of alcohol-based sanitizers, wipe your surfaces and wash your hands with any of the other cleaners I listed above. Plain water will not destroy the virus. However, the mechanical motion of washing your hands adds to the destruction of the virus when used with soap. That’s why you must perform the mechanical motion of hand washing for at least 20 seconds. Most people wash only the palm of their hands. Don’t forget to also wash the back of your hands, between your fingers , and your wrist. You should be able to cover all of these areas in 20 seconds.

How should I protect myself when leaving the house?

Always wear a face-covering when leaving the house. Even if you don’t have a mask, a scarf or face covering should be secured over the top and to the bridge of the nose. It has been found that you can literally catch or spread COVID-19 approximately 2 feet with just talking/breathing. So we now know that COVID-19 can be transmitted without even coughing or sneezing. Currently, our care pastors, Dan and Graham, are leading an effort to send a couple of masks to each household. I will ensure they are properly sanitized and packaged and will give instructions in a later post on how to clean and reuse your mask.

You should also wear gloves. However, be careful because gloves can give you a false sense of security, especially if you touch your face a lot. Therefore, as you are handling items, you need to continually use a sanitizer even on your gloves throughout your shopping.

How do I remove my gloves without getting contaminated?

Most individuals who are not medically trained to remove gloves do so in a contaminated way. However, there is no need to worry because whenever you remove your gloves, ALWAYS immediately wash or sanitize your hands thoroughly. This will destroy any viral particles that may be on your hand from improper glove removal.

I hope these tips help ease your fears!

God Bless You,

Dr. Cynthia Salter-Lewis

Shawn’s Shed A Tear (SAT) Air Fryer Ribs

If you joined us for Impact Church Online you heard about this recipe and we know you waiting to try it out in your air fryer. Pastor Shawn Frazier knows ribs and has offered this recipe to make you feel good with a little food comfort. The best part is they are as easy as 1-2-3. Enjoy and thank Pastor Shawn next time you join us online or post your picture to our social media and tag him as well.

Cooktime

1 hour 15 min cook time

Ingredients

1 St. Louis style slab of ribs

McCormick Grill Mates Applewood Rub

Apple Cider Vinegar

Spray Bottle or Brush

 Air Fryer Directions 

1. Remove the silver skin on the back of the ribs (this allows the rub to penetrate the meat)

2. Rinse the slab of Ribs under water and pat dry

3. Put a generous amount of the Applewood rub onto both sides of the slab of ribs

4. Spray or Brush Apple Cider Vinegar onto both sides of the slab

5. Cut the slab of ribs in half so that it can fit into the Air Fryer

6. Salivate, look at the ribs and say this is going to taste so Good! :)

7. Let the ribs rest in the fridge for at least 3 hours, overnight is preferred

8. Place your ribs into the air fryer making sure the 2 halves are not stacked on top of each other Lean them up on the side of the air fryer if you have too.

9. Set your Air Fryer to 300  degrees cook for 30 minutes

10. Flip the Ribs over and cook for another 30 minutes

11. Drain the grease from the air fryer

12. Set the Air Fryer to 350 degrees and cook for another 15 minutes or until tender

13. Let the ribs rest for 10 minutes 

14. Shed a tear and thank the Lord for the flavor that is about to take place on your taste buds!!!

On the Grill Directions

1. You want to cook it for 1 hour and 30 min to 1 hour and 45min.

2. Get a squirt bottle put half apple cider Vinegar and half apple juice keep them wet while cooking.

3. Make sure you are cooking them bone down.

4. You will only need to cook them on the other side for about 20 to 30 minutes.

5. Make sure you add more garlic and a little more brown sugar to the rub. I have made my own rub in the past but this rub comes really close so its real good.

6. Put the rub on at least 2 to 3 hours before cooking.